| Great Quotes
"I
found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy and
a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. You never
know."
-
Robin Williams
"What
are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'"
-
Sandra Bullock
"The
Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a
twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of
pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats
that are on fire' and the computer will ask, 'Specify type of
goat.'"
-Jason
Alexander (from Seinfeld)
"Women
might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships."
-
Sharon Stone
"My
girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's
reading."
-
Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
"Clinton
lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but
he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
-
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"My
cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the
natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
-
Dan Rather (News anchorman)
"I
saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
'Thyroid
problem?'"
-
Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Honesty
is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're
in."
-
Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends")
"Things
you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive
scrotum!'"
-
Patricia Arquette
Some
extremely silly jokes:
A
man takes his Rottweiler to the vet."My dog's cross-eyed,
is there
anything you
can do for him?"
"Well,"
says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No,
because he's bloody heavy."
"Doc,
I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's
not unusual."
"Doctor,
I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then."
Some men in a
pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in
the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't
you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to
the truck. He returned in a minute and said, "Yeah, I meant
two-by-fours."
"Alright. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd
better go check." After awhile, the customer returned to
the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a
house."
Some
Men Jokes:
What's
the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him
to pick only one.
What
can a bird do that a man can't?
Whistle through his pecker.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because he heard the chicken was a slut.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time!
Why are men
like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
When is a man
as smart as a woman?
When he is plugged in to one.
How many
divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who knows; they never get the house
Why are all
dumb Blond jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
What is the
difference between government bonds and men?
Government bonds mature.
What
is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A Man.
And
the number 1 sexist men joke:
Why
do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake
foreplay.
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